“It’s a good thing we have gravity, or else when birds died they’d just stay right up there,” said American comedian Steven Wright.
Whilst it would be interesting to see a sky full of dead birds being swept by council officials with giant bird nets. We could burn their corpses for fuel, although I think the Mr Wright was assuming that the majority of birds die, mid-flight, of heart attacks.
No no no, I don’t hate the nice, friendly gravity that keeps dead birds on the ground or things on tables. I’m referring to the evil gravity; the side of gravity that knocks things off shelves, causes things to roll downhill annoyingly and inevitably will beat us all.
The insipid, snakey gravity which breaks our precious glass and crockery and scabs up childrens knees has caused oceans of tears as it injures, kills and destroys with impunity. Faces smashed into things, knees grazed, backs broken etc etc. When trying to casually throw some keys onto a shelf they inevitably slide too far and fall themselves. It would be nice if things didn’t hit the floor, but sort of floated down like a feather, but slower.
Say I was trying to casually toss some poorly-weighted set of keys on to the end of a wooden shelf. In normal circumstances median oafishness would see those keys slide off the end of the shelf and clatter loudly to the floor, alerting all nearby that their idiot has returned home. If gravity was reduced by say, 20 percent, people would have extra time to saunter over and place them down like they were meant to be in the first place. It COULD work.
The embarassing clatter of remote control on parkay floors could be abolished, and the world would be around nine percent better for it. Probably.
